a tg' jazo eio

So the random nonsense in the title - yes, it's just random nonsense. That's what came out when I banged on the keyboard.
I guess I'm not doing so well today. I really miss Dan. Alot.
It makes it a little bit easier that I know that it is the best for him, and the best for me, though it's not so easy to remember the latter.
Sometimes I have really beautiful quiet times when I feel that God is wrapping me in his arms and stroking my hair and reminding me that everything is going to be okay. But sometimes I enter this dark and lonely state where my world seems empty and I feel alone and I can't see past the next ninety seconds.

I'm very thankful to be seeing less and less binges, and finally I've been able to see things like "this food won't make me happy" and "I'm full" and "Why would I eat that again?" and "Eating this second bowl of ice cream might make me gain weight." I'm a little concerned that I might slip back into anorexia though. Perhaps it is a combination of seeing some old photos, taking a ballet class, and not fitting into old clothes that has led me to miss being thin, and even scarier, miss being anorexic. It's hard to explain.

I've been dancing around the house quite a bit, and actually missing ballet class and dancing. I think I'm going to go again tonight. Hopefully I'll make it past barre; I miss doing pirouettes and tendues in center.

I removed Dan as my facebook friend so that we would stop stalking each other, but I must confess that I've found ways around that, and I know he has too. For one, I know he's reading this... and I read his blog too. So far it's only poems. Very good poems. Seriously, he should be a poet. Perhaps I'm biased.

I have to leave for Spanish class soon. Jimmy and Becca are going to drop me off, so I have to walk home. It's cold and raining, but I need the excercise, and the think time.

Last night I dreamed that I was Peter Pan. I have these dreams periodically. I really wish I could fly. I really wish I could fly.