"It's never too late..."

I had a rather interesting experience this morning, as I opened the curtains in the living room to let the light in. I was mildly taken aback to see all the snow, though it has been there much the same for weeks, and I've nearly forgotten what the world looks like without it. Nevertheless, it caused me to realize that it won't be there forever. Yes there will be more of it before it begins to recede, but in just a few months the sun will be a little bit closer to the earth, and its warmth will begin the process of conquering the cold and the gloom, and life will once again push its way through the ground to bring joy and nourishment to all the creatures which rely on it to live. And I will be able to take long walks and swim in lakes and sit in the shade, and not have to protect myself by hiding all but a few square inches of me from the bitter weather. I just have to wait a little bit longer.

I came across a quote the other day that inspired me very greatly. It is a quote I'd written down before and recently rediscovered; it had been casually given to me a long time ago by a friend who recently encouraged me along the same lines in conversation...

"It's never to late to be who you might have been."
- George Elliot

:)

I am happy to report that I've had a very nice past few days. I've been working on several projects, including writing a story, perfecting the Maple Leaf Rag, and, most exciting, finally piecing together the quilt that I've been working on for the past five years. I calculated if I sew on one block every day, I should be done in time for my birthday!
Also, work was really good last night. I made 3x as much money as I would have expected, and had some amusing tables. Besides the one major communication error with the kitchen, (my first in a long time), it probably couldn't have been better. :)

Time Alone?

Without a schedule the concept of time becomes less tangible. I feel like it was forever ago that I was at NCSA, or dancing in Milwaukee, or weighed 110 pounds, or was going out with Dan. It seems like ages since my first day of work, since sitting in Spanish class, since doing the Nutcracker. There is a period of time, between Christmass and the first week of January that I have no memory of, save New Year's Eve.
And yet, some times seem so immediately past that it's hard to belive that it's been so long, like baking bread at the Ribbens, performing at the Stevens' Center, or sitting on the deck at my Grandpa's house talking on the phone to Dan. Has it really been so long since...?

I feel like I'm just floating through life. It's very odd.

I cannot remember the last time that I was alone in a building. At least someone in my family is nearly always home. It must have been some time over the summer... no, there was some time at the Boone's house when everyone had left.
I am really only ever alone in my car, or when all my family is sleeping, but still, even then someone could wake up at any time, and there are always other drivers. There is no true privacy.

This is all very ironic, because I feel very alone in the world right now.

A Good Day

I've been working on learning the rest of the Maple Leaf Rag by Scott Joplin, having bought myself an AWESOME book of essential piano music. I've been practicing so much my hands have been getting sore, but it's really coming along. I have the whole thing memorized now...smooth and seamless is a different story...
I hung out with Heidi for most of the morning... we ran errands and stopped at each of our houses for a while. Sounds kind of boring, but it wasn't. It was really nice to see Heidi.
I also had a chance to appreciate what a difference staying at work until closing makes tip-wise... I did pretty well tonight, which is nice. It's been pretty bad lately with business.
That's about all for now.

Ballet and Inspiration

I took a ballet class today and it nearly killed me... okay that's an exaggeration. But it did inspire me to get my life back in shape, not to mention my physical vessel.

Random Bits and Pieces

So it's a new year. So far it isn't proving to be much better than the last one, though it has potential, and I think I can safely say that 2008 was the worst year of my life thusfar.

Yesterday I took a ballet class! I even made it all the way through! My calves are really sore now though. I decided that I will slack off no longer. I will hold myself to the same standards of work ethic as all the other aspiring dancers in the class, and strive to improve technically and artistically, and not to judge my body but let it be what it is, and let God make it what it needs to be to accomplish his purposes.

I talked to Dan a couple days ago, which accomplished two very good things. Firstly, he is no longer mad at me or bitter towards me (unless it is a very little bit) and secondly he made it clear that he does not want to be in a relationship with me, and that I need to move on. Ouch, yes, but I think this rejection will be very good for me in the long term; it will help dissuade the "maybe if I..." notions. We decided against the "no talking ever" rule, but we will only call each other infrequetly, when we "need" to, and if we see each other, it will only be as part of a group. I think that should work well.

Speaking of work, I think I've cursed Saturday Night business at Victoria's. Typically, it is after 8:30 by the time all the people lined up on the benches waiting for a table have been seated. Last Saturday I had only two tables, and we closed early. In fact, every Saturday since the beginning of December has been slow. Every one, that is, except for the one I wasn't there for. Anyway, I gave away my shift tomorrow night so I can spend time with the Ribbens, who are coming to visit from Door County. Maybe everyone else can make some money now.
Really, I know that the drop in business has more to do with the post-Christmas frugality, the current economic climate, and the snow storms than anything else. Every other shift I've worked this week has been slow too. Yesterday in fact I had a net loss on my shift; the $6.35 I earned in tips from my two tables wasn't enough to cover my $3.61 lunch and my $5 parking ticket. Which I still have to pay...

Today was actually a pretty good day though. I saw Heidi twice; first I went to her house to watch dance videos, and then later she came over for dinner (kind-of), and we went to Crossing, the young adult group at Christ the Rock. She let me dump my feelings on her on the car ride home, and I must say, it was really nice to do so. It was a piece of that human connection that I crave so dearly right now. And Heidi's a really good listener. Heidi is an overall really good friend.

I had a lot of fun at the mall today. I spent about two hours looking for a cross necklace, (because after it's being on my wishlist for two years with no results, I decided it was time to buy it for myself). It was a bit lonely, especially since I have had no associations with fine jewelry other than from Dan, but I'm going to have to get used to lonely I suppose. The salespeople were nice, funnily enough the nicest ones were the ones I ended up buying from. I took three home, planning to return two of them, though perhaps I'll end up returning them all in the end.