My Journal, pages 1, 2, and 3.

I am starting a new journal because my life has changed so significantly that keeping my old journal active would be unhelpful and possibly harmful. Moving on to a new book helps me to move on to the next thing in life.
Sometimes I wish I could move backwards; could have another chance to dance, and a chance to avoid getting so deeply into the relationship that would not end well. But I can't go backwards, and I'm afraid that even if I could, I would likely make the same mistakes again. I can't go back to my first chance, but praise God; I now have a second. I would be lying to say that I am stronger now, or a better person because of my mistakes, but I am wiser, and I think that may help me become that better person.
However, I know that I will get nowhere on my own. Perhaps that is part of the wisdom, and one of the few lessons I've learned: I need God. I've tried doing life without Him, and it's been a miserable failure. I see now that He is my only strength; it comes only from the vision He places in my heart, and the love He has given me to share. Without these I flail aimlessly; when I shut Him out I am like a deaf bat in the dark.
As much as it hurt me, I am thankful to Dan for what he did. He saw clearly the destruction our relationship caused, which I closed my eyes to. I can see God's hand so clearly in this, now that He has opened my eyes.
I am eager to start down the proper path in my life, the one God wants me on, the one I never should have left. But I am unsure of what that is, and I think God is withholding that knowledge from me because he doesn't want me to try to stumble down it on my own; I need to learn to lean on Him first.
Why is it that the right way always seems the hardest? My pride would keep me from that path, as would the part of me that self-protects, that strives to be always in control. I must not let them win me over. God will be sovereign; I must tie my shoelaces so I don't trip over my own feet. Or even better, perhaps my Daddy will tie them for me.

This break-up is not about getting rid of the wrong guy so I can find the right, rather, it is about getting rid of all the obstacles so I can grow closer to God; to the One who truly loves me unconditionally, the One upon whom my whole existence depends.