i prefer a granite headstone

In case you were worried, please don't be; I do not forsee my need for a grave marker anytime in the near future, God willing. That said, this has honestly probably been the worst Christmas of my life.

By the standards with which one usually measures Christmas it was actually pretty decent. I spent good time with family, I got nice presents, we had a fun Christmas party, the decorations were pretty, and it was definately white. But the hole in my life that Dan has left behind made it rather gloomy, and that combined with worrying about him has left me pretty miserable.

I kinda feel like I've died.

I was just reading some sweet and wonderful past emails that Dan had sent to me over the summer, one in particular in which Dan was talking about the devil's attack on our relationship.

I guess he got to us.