Life changes...

So it's been a while since I've last updated. I guess I've been doing pretty poorly at being a consistent blogger. I might resolve to do better, but that might counter my resolve to be less internet dependent; either you'll know that one's going well or I'll tell you it isn't!
Here is an update on me:
I went to Milwaukee for two weeks, and decided that I really don't want to be dancing right now, so I told them I needed to take some time off and I came home.
I don't know how long I'll be here, a couple months at least. I think that eventually I will discover that I really do love ballet and go back to it, and very likely Milwaukee, but for now, I am just going to take life as it comes and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe I'll discover that I am better off without all of the stress and drama of the ballet world, and be a normal person forever. Somehow I doubt that.
This may come as a shock for some of you, and others of you may have seen this coming before I did; I wouldn't be surprised. It happened rather suddenly I know... however, I do believe that this is the right thing for me right now. It got to the point where I forgot what it was like to dance for myself, and instead was dancing to please everyone else; to be complemented by my teachers, to make my grandparents proud, to live up to my teachers' expectations, to keep up my image as a "ballerina". I realized that I wasn't really loving what I was doing, and I was buckling under all that pressure... Feeling like you can make do and pull through something is necessary sometimes in life to get you where you want to be, however, it is not such a desireable state for your final destination. If ballet is going to be my career, I want it to be something I do because I want to do it. And right now, my dreams, goals, and the joys I find in ballet don't seem to be worth the pain, effort, and sacrifice required to acheive them. When they do, and not before, I will be back to pour every ounce of rediscovered passion into the art. But for now, I'm just going to let it be.
I'm actually really excited about this. I'm excited to be a normal person for once; I have big plans and dreams to do everything I've always wanted to do but never had time for. Some of these include spending lots of time with Danny, family, and friends, getting a job as a waitress, taking a college Spanish class, going to church regularly and actually being involved, and all the little things like painting my toenails, knitting scarves, and baking bread. I'm also hoping to take a couple trips; I want to visit Doug and Donna in Salt Lake City and I want to visit North Carolina as soon as possible. I miss all of you back there so much!
Mostly I'm excited to see what God is going to do in me during this time. It's true I've been wandering; I think it's time for me to get back on track. I know the life He has for me is so much better than the one I've been trying to orchestrate. If anyone is taking prayer requests, there's one thing I know I still need to let go of and give to Him, and I really don't want to; I'm really scared to...
Well, I'll keep you better informed hopefully, and stop writing now so that any of you who haven't already fallen asleep can avoid doing so. I'd love to hear from you if you get a chance...